The Scots are a violent, savage people. I was attacked there and beaten, and everyone I met on the rest of my week stay regaled me with stories of people they knew who had been similarly brutalized. “Oh yeah my sister got a kicking last week.” “My mate Barry tried to pull some geezers off a bird and then she helped them give him a kicking!” And on and on. Amazingly even more vicious than the English, which hardly seemed possible.
By the way, my tinfoil hat uses Arch Linux.
EDIT: now I see that I’ve just repeated the same joke that someone already made better in a different post. Leaving my post up for posterity so I remember my shame.