Looks like Alvin’s into it

Th…thanks…

I was hoping for fat baby jd vance

My brain thought it was a light bulb wrapped in masking tape

A lot of them are plastic now which means they’re pretty much room temp

Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage

I had my phone in greyscale mode (and admittedly I’m a little high) and I thought “oh I bet that bathroom’s gorgeous in color” because I took your comment for serious and didn’t see the thumbnail very clearly ANYWAY lemme tell ya the disappointment when I took my phone off greyscale mode…

you got me good

Or took AZO.

Oh my god I forgot all about Mallory Ortberg’s interpretations of monk paintings! I used to love these.

Unrelated but she once wrote something like “everyone knows that to properly make a bed, you need to circle it like a shark” and the truth of that has stuck with me ever since. Why is my brain like this haha

Imagine giving birth to that.

I mean, duh. Baked beans are stupidly sweet.

Do you really think Trump knows non-capital letters exist?

And a hairnet?!

I guess things like dicing = 1/4" cubes

Doesn’t matter if you let them in. Nothing stopping them from setting your house on fire and making you come out.

This belongs on a t-shirt in Spencer’s.

He was from Cuba, his father was in Cuba, his uncle was in the USA and wanted to keep him here. He needed to be returned to his father but it should’ve been via negotiation. The raid was not the way to go. IIRC Janet Reno just got impatient with diplomacy?

Oh I like twisty ties! Because I just wrap it once around the bag, then I get to spin the bread like a nunchuck to twist it all up

Lawful neutral, or if the clip gets lost, then chaotic neutral.

My grandma had one. Growing up we just kept our bread & bagels in the microwave.