Bro when you pee while shitting and youre not completely soft and you pee out the space between the two parts of the toilet 💀💀💀
I live in the UK so it’s cold as balls outside a good chunk of the year. Often when I get home from work my dick is so shrivelled it’s practically inverted. No way to aim it. Stand and pee, it goes everywhere. Sit and pee, it goes through the gap between the seat and the porcelain onto the floor or my pants.
You have to give it a little rub before your pee. Mini wank before your pee goes in the tank, rub the willy before getting pissy. Spank the monkey before urine dunky. You know the old stroke and spoke, the fiddle and piddle.
I think this is more honest than “not completely soft” I’m having a hard time imagining a pre chub pointing out but also not hitting the seat
It must be just little.
I once had a double stream and one of them flowed right on to my legs
deleted by creator
you mean you send it out from under the toilet lid?
I hate when this happens
Holy fuck this is the worst thing ever why havent they fixed this flaw in toilet seat design yet
Actually, you need the cock software update.
Really? I’d expect a firmware update
Big ceramics dont want to make new moulds
This only happened when I was a little kid and my penis was so small it rested on top of my balls. I had to push my dick down until puberty
Also if it’s cold as shit
Me, looking at my toilet like ???
OMG, your dick goes through the plumbing?!
Yeah haha I get it haha it sucks having a penis so long that it reaches the water hahaha
So relatable am I right? Hahaha
Definitely something i experience, hahaha
Wait, you guys dicks touch the water?
I fully engage the toilet in handstand to overcome this problem
I hold my dick and touch the water. I like the way the ripples interact with my floaters when I pat the surface.
So how do girls drink then??
Straw
If I offer them hay is that good enough?
You drive a hard bargain
If you have a piece of cheese, you may fascinate them.
deleted by creator
It includes your balls when you’re over 40.
my balls reach further than my dong :(
That’s rough, buddy.
I didn’t get that memo
TIL!
T-minus 4 years until my second puberty.
I’ve never had my dick touch the water, but I have had it hit the cold porcelain. That was a surprise.
When that happens in a public toilet
Aka the witches kiss
I’ve always heard that phrase referring to splashback on the butthole
That’s Neptune’s kiss
Oh yeah, you’re right-- we used to call it Poseidon’s kiss though haha
Poseidon is the Greek god of water (and horses), Neptune is the Roman version.
Same guy. Same kiss. Same pucker.
Yeah, which is why I said Neptune’s kiss was right. An interesting one I didn’t learn until later though was that with all the other planet names being the Roman versions (Zeus=Jupiter, Kronos=Saturn, etc) that Hades and Pluto (or well, Pluton) are both originally Greek. The Romans also just used Pluto for Hades (and a couple other gods that got wrapped up in that name).
I literally have developed a habit where if I sit down my hand automatically goes down to keep my dick from touching the bowl. Fuck. that.
touching dick sounds kinda gay… /s
My toilet apparently has a shallow bowl because this happens pretty much every time I sit down, and I’ve never experienced it before moving in. Bad enough experience to replace the toilet imo.
This is precisely why I won’t ever join the “sit to pee” revolution.
Bro that’s the healthy way. If you start doing it young, at the ages of 50s it really makes a difference.
Can you elaborate on why this is healthier? I’ve never heard this before.
Why is this toilet half full?
The European mind cannot comprehend American toilets
Nah, I’m American and the water level should not be that high. That toilets clogged.
Or it’s an older toilet
Yeah, from the diagram, I’d say it looks fucked.
deleted by creator
Overall? It’s poorly drawn. Occasionally you might come across a random “deep” toilet design, but most are much lower. As long as it’s deep enough so that my poop is submerged so I don’t have to smell it waiting to flush, I’m satisfied.
C’mon, be more optimistic. It’s actually only half empty!
Judging from the comments, this is an actual problem and I have a small penis. TIL.
Different toilets too, I’m from the UK and the water inside the toilet is a good 10 inches from seat.
Inb4 comment, ha ha your flaccid dick isn’t 10 inches?
Im in the uk and my entire dick and balls go fully into the water, around the ubend, down the pipes to the large waste pipe, fill the entire waste pipe and then go all the way to the sewage treatment facility where they have a 9 to 5 cleaning shitty water. They earn more money than i do, and frankly, they are sustaining our life.
Sometimes, we fight, but then i remember my dick has it harder than i do.
Oh man, you’re Dick Rodney’s other half?? Man, he is my favourite coworker here at the sewage works. He’s a very hard worker… very hard indeed. Always sounded like there might be family problems at home, though, as he says he leaves the arsehole behind when he comes to work.
😆
Better call Central Services.
Yeah it’s so weird to me that the US toilet water is so high. I imagine there’s a valid reason for it, but it’s a very foreign concept to me
10 inches diameter. On a cold winter January morning.
IT WAS COLD
I WAS IN THE POOL
deleted by creator
Why do you flush before you stand up? Don’t you like to admire the fruits of your labour?
Never heard of a courtesy flush?
You close the toilet before flushing right?
Meanwhile, I’m seeing a lot of comments that this isn’t normal and it’s giving me some confidence
High-fives you yup same.
Can’t do this either, doesn’t take away from my performance in bed, don’t worry about it, brother
Are you sure about that? I bet you havent tried it with a bigger dick /s
🥹
Small pp power
Do not worry brother, your trans sisters know your pain.
god gave the prettiest girls the biggest dicks
So true queen
Guys, you gotta get your knob between the toilet bowl rim and the toilet seat so its squashed and held in place when you sit down.
I’m 6’8" and feel attacked. One day I will be rich enough to afford the custom jumbo bathroom
A monster bathroom for your magnum dong?
The penis can also touch the cold and wet surface of the toilet bowl without being submerged in water. You do not need to have a large size of your banana to do this.
Grower gang wins again.
Only ever happened twice and both times it was because I leaned too far forward and the water was high. Horrible horrible feeling.
It happens to me all the time but only because I have a freakishly long dick
Ah, yes of course, me too me too
That’s so relatable
